


An Unpleasant Surprise

by watchyouwalk



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-01
Updated: 2012-05-01
Packaged: 2017-11-04 16:38:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchyouwalk/pseuds/watchyouwalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But you're right, Jane - you deserve something special. Close your eyes, and I might even have a surprise for you!" The team investigates a shooting, and Jane feels underappreciated for his help. Mindless oneshot. J/L if you squint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Unpleasant Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short little piece of mindless fic prompted by sirenofodysseus, who asked for a 200+ word fic featuring the words "hairbrush," "turtle," and "seamonkey" as well as my name, though I changed it before posting here because it didn't sound right. Anyway, un-beta'd because... well, I didn't really see the point for it, haha. Written for pure fun, and kind of open-ended, so just enjoy it for what it is.

"Do we have an ID on the vic?" Teresa Lisbon inquired, leaning over the body of a young girl with dark brown curls and porcelain skin.

"Yep. Nicole Dastella - she's only 16." Van Pelt frowned as she examined the victim's student ID, a bright smile and timid, hazel eyes looking back at her.

Lisbon straightened up, the corners of her mouth turned down at the thought of a life being cut so short. The victim appeared to have been shot in the chest, the bullet wound still slowly trickling blood into a pool of crimson around her left side.

"What else was in the wallet?" Lisbon asked, turning her attention to the redhead beside her.

"A few ticket stubs - concerts and movies - and some photos, but no cash or credit cards. Maybe a robbery gone wrong?"

"Could be." Lisbon furrowed her brow as a thought occurred to her. "But who robs a 16-year-old girl? Babysitting and waitressing don't exactly rake in much cash..."

"Probably your run-of-the-mill murder, just staged to  _look_  like a robbery," piped a familiar voice from behind.

Lisbon turned to find herself inches from her blonde-haired consultant, that know-it-all smile plastered on his face. A stray curl swayed with the slight breeze, and she resisted the urge to reach out and fix it for him.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Jane!" Lisbon crossed her arms in irritation, also putting a bit of space between them. "Care to do some detective work?"

"Well,  _you're_  the detective, Lisbon. But I'd be happy to do some  _consulting_." Jane leaned back on his heels with a smug grin on his face, casting another quick glance at the body. "She came from the beach, for starters."

"Oh? And what tells you that?"

"Her hair smells salty, like the ocean. There's still a bit of sand in her clothes. Her cheeks and shoulders are a bit pink - likely sunburn, due to a lack of proper sunblock application. And besides that," Jane crouched down, lifting the hem of the girl's tank top, "where else are you likely to get a henna tattoo of a seamonkey?"

"Fair enough." Lisbon nodded, reaching for her phone.

"Oh, and Lisbon?" She acknowledged him with the slight raise of her eyebrow. "She probably had a beach bag with her. Y'know, to hold her towel, sunblock, iPod... that sort of thing."

"Cho and Rigsby are already canvassing the area," Van Pelt chimed in, "I'll let them know what to look for."

**-xxx-**

Cho and Rigsby returned shortly, carrying a bright blue beach bag with a turtle embroidered in green on each side.

"Found it in a dumpster about three blocks from here," Cho stated, nodding in the direction they had just come from.

"Find anything useful in it?"

"Oh, yea." Rigsby reached a gloved hand into the bag, pulling out a small handgun wrapped in a pink-striped beach towel. "It's a nine mil., recently discharged, only one bullet missing."

"Great. Bag it so we can get it over to ballistics. Anything else in the bag?"

"Hairbrush, bikini, iPhone-"

"iPod, iPhone - same difference!" Jane interrupted.

"-sunscreen, a few books, and a pair of sunglasses." Cho recited, ignoring the smug smile on Jane's face.

"All right. Van Pelt, see what you can find on the phone - angry voicemails, repeated calls, threatening texts - whatever looks suspicious. Nice work, you two!" Lisbon gestured to Cho and Rigsby before heading toward her SUV.

"Uh, Lisbon! Aren't you forgetting someone?" Jane beamed as he leaned against the door of the SUV, blocking Lisbon's path.

"Hm..." She looked from side to side, her nose crinkled in mock contemplation. "Nope! Don't think so. Now _move_!"

"Lis- _booon_!" Jane pouted. "If I hadn't told you Nicole had been at the beach, Cho and Rigsby wouldn't have known to look for a beach bag, and then we wouldn't be in possession of the murder weapon!"

" _Potential_  murder weapon." Lisbon reminded him. "But you're right, Jane - you deserve something special. Close your eyes, and I might even have a surprise for you!"

Jane screwed his eyes tightly shut, surprisingly obedient. Lisbon reached out toward him, moving in closer and closer, until-

"Ouch!" Jane yelped, rubbing his nose where she had none-too-gently tweaked it, and stepping to the side to avoid any other  _surprises_  she might have in store for him.

"Thank you!" Lisbon said, a coy smile on her face as she hopped into the SUV and slammed the door.

**THE END**


End file.
